JosieGrosie: Bucket of Noodles

Life for me is still going. I havn’t much to say right now, but I feel like bearing my soul onto a computer screen for lack of something better to do this late at night. I guess I could be sleeping. Nah.

Senior project is still kicking my ass, but at least I’ve managed to get 5 notecards done.

As far as jobs go I would have to say that I have a pretty good one. Its only making pizza at Papa Murphys so we don’t have to bake or deliver the pizza, and its not really all that hard. Sure it can be stressful in the rush hours on the weekends, but if thats the only stress one had to face, it really would be an okay world.

I guess the only topic left is boys. When I’m with him alone things are perfect and wonderful and beautiful, and everything I’ve ever wanted. But when hes around other people he pretty much forgets im around and seems to care more about his friends and other people to the point where he can say some pretty hurtful things. I can avoid this by avoiding him and all his friends, but I want more out of him than that. Maybe thats why I left. I guess when I left, I was hoping things would change. Now I realize I was wrong. I want to be able to spend time with him with the outside world. Why can’t he just treat me like he loves me everywhere?

 oh well. Its a big problem in my life but I realize there are bigger ones. I’ve decided not to stress t much on it because I did that for the last year and I left him so I didn’t have too. I just need to vent sometimes.

 Its time to consume myself in warm blankents and fluffly pillows.

 Loves
Josie

Nothing really specific to talk about today. Thats why I havn’t written in a while I suppose. I guess there’s just so much going on. Heres the gyst of it:

Senior Project: Yea, it’s kicking my ass. I have so many things overdue. I was supposed to have 30 notecards done a couple of weeks ago. I have ZERO done now. I was supposed to have turned in my introduction and conclusion last week and have started neither. Tomarrow, the first two rough draft pages are due and I havn’t even made a real outline. So pretty much: I’m fucked.

J-O-B: I finally got that Job at Papa Murphy’s. I had to work homecoming night. Buuuuumer. I can’t really complain because I’m getting paid, the hours are flexible and I get 50 percent off all the pizza. yum. I’ve been there 2 days and already made a huge mistake. I opened the wrong box of pizza sauce and basically wasted it all. You see, we hardly use that kind of sauce because people never like it.

Boys: Yea, me and my ex are still friends. He took me to a couple haunted houses instead of homecoming because I had to work. I still love that boy and he is my best friend. A year and three months with somone will do that to you I suppose. Maybe someday when he grows up a little we can still be together. He says he “waiting for me” and I tell him I’m “waiting for him… to grow up.”

Alright, back to normal teenage life.

loves

Josie

So I spent all of third period and lunch at the recruiter table at my school. I was talking to SGT. Watson. I’ve been thinking maybe I should join the army.

This is completely against everything I’ve ever said to anyone about anything. A lot of my friends have joined the army and every time I have told them not too. (Mostly because I’ll miss them and don’t want them to die.) But Lately I’ve been thinking that maybe it would be a good way to pay for college.

There are a couple of options for me, which is the national guard, (part-time and local) or actaully enlisting full time in the army. I would get more money for the later choice, but wouldn’t be able to actually complete college untill after I have served my four year term.

I’m having problems with it though because I would really miss my family, and I have a felony on my record. That will be easy to wiave, but limits my job choices for the army. Also, I am partially deaf in my left ear and am overweight. I would have to loose weight before even enlisting. I can only do “girl” push ups.

I don’t know if it is the right decision for me being since my main interst is art and my future plans are to be a graphic designer. SGT Watson said the army needs graphic designers, but I just don’t know. When I think art, i don’t think “Army.”

I’m so confused right now and I don’t know what to do. At least SGT. Watson is cute.

Loves
Josie

So right now, I’m having a breakdown of sorts. I wish I knew why I was crying. There is so much going on in my life right now it’s hard to sort anything out. Some of its good, some of its bad, and i’m so lost in it all right now that im almost drowning.

1. I’m working on my senior project which is taking up all my free time and I sometimes wonder if I’m taking on too big of a project for myself.

2. I’m supposed to be working on the senior paper but thanks to my project Im about a week behind and slowing quickly.

3. I just got a new job at Papa Murphy’s and I’m worried about all the time its going to take away from my already full schedule.

4. My friend Jake just informed me that we will be moving into his parents soon to be old house about 9 months sooner than expected (a couple months from now) and I’m worried about rent, food and doing everything else I need to do in order to graduate.

5. I’m going through a breakup with my ex-boyfriend that hurts more than anything, and trying to move on with other people. Even though I’m just taking it slow, it seems things are moving faster than I would like.

I guess its all just overwhealming and I thought I could handle it all. I realized that trying to make everything work the way that I wanted it to wasn’t working, so I decided to go with the flow, just let the current take me where it needed too. Once I just let go into the current, it swept me away and now I feel as if I am being swept away without any means of staying afloat. The current was much faster than I expected it to be and now I wish I had just kept on trying to go upstream. At least then I wasn’t crying.

Yea, so I’m a senior in high school. I used to be a freshman and i could never understand why the upperclassmen hated us. How unfair.

Now I can see why they hated us. Because we were rude, immature, and really not worth all the drama. I really can’t wait to get out of highschool. I want to graduate NOW. Its really sad that I walk through the halways, and all I ever hear anyone say anymore is mean things about other people. Rumors, teasing, fighting, im just so sick of it all. Bleh.

I also realized how dumb relationships in high school are. Relationships in themselves are too much drama, now mix in a whole lot of immaturity and a heightened sense of emotion.
Is it really realistic to be hurt over a lost relationship of one week? Can that even be considered a relationship? Get over it.

Speaking on realtionships, Im a firm believer that they should be between two people, not two people, their friends, and a jury. I think when other poeple get invloved with the problems and the “behind the scenes” kind of stuff, it only creates more problems and wedges gaps between a couple. In high school I think there is no way to not invlove your friends, and your relationship is subject to the jury of your calssmates.

Anyways, I just had to get a few things off my chest. Im only speaking from personal expierience…

Loves
Josie

I turn 18 next month and will be of legal voting age. The two canadates running for senate here in washington are Mike McGavick and Maria Cantwell. I decided to research the canadates in order to see who I think will best help the state. I was looking at issues that were important to me such as gay marriage and rights, education, minimum wage hike, heathcare and the environment. Maria Cantwell had some great points, but I heard different things from different sources.

My main problem is with Mike McGavick. Can anyone even tell me his stance on these issues? When I googled him, I came across his blog. I really respected him after reading it. He basically said that he is annoyed and upset with polotics today because most politicians are more concerned with discrediting their competators rather than the actual issues that are important to us. He went on to tell his readers everything he thought his opponents would say about him, stating “Now that my faults are out in the open, we can move onto the issues that matter.”

I think “Now this is a guy who really cares about the issues here in Washington. This is a guy who’s going to get things done.” To make sure that he was going to get the right things done, I decided to research his views on these important issues. The problem? He had none. The only thing I could find on his page, was him trying to discredit Maria Cantwell, the very thing he said he hated. Now this guy isn’t so great, hes actually hypocrytical. And I still can’t find his views on the issues.

WTF is up with that? And I was wondering if anyone else knew his views, because by reading his blog comments, I see that there is still a lot of people who are willing to vote for him. I guess it could be a Republican / Democrat thing right? Of course, I don’t believe in voting because of parties, but rather because of the stance on issues I care about, but geez, I really can’t see why anyone would vote this guy into office.

Loves

Josie

Have you ever been so sad, in so much emotional pain that all you can do is cry? When it’s to the point where you don’t know how to deal with all your feelings and you just can’t cry hard enough? Well recently, thats how I have been feeling.

The breakup with my boyfriend of a year and a half was really hard, pherhaps made harder by the teenage emotions and the fact that he was imediatly with another girl. It hurt alot to see him walk down the halways at school holding her hand, and it felt like everything was falling apart.

Heres the good part. Life goes on. I know its only been a week, and i’m not over him to say the least, but that feeling of emptiness is gone. So now I’m moving on with my life. I kind of just realized one morning that my life is going to go on, with or without him.

Today I got a job at Papa Murphys. Its great because now I can save some money for my spring break trip and my graduation trip. I can also start saving to get my car, and also pay for prom and homecoming. I even have another date, although for right now, we remain friends. I think its the best thing for us considering I still have a lot of healing and dealing to do right now.

 Wish me luck my loves, because life is full of heartache and dissapointments, but its still going to be everything I’ve ever dreamed.